I have been thinking about pain a lot lately. Mostly because I am in a lot of pain most of the time. My lower back is still really painfull; the epidural infiltration they did a month or so ago worked for a little while, but now the pain seems to get worse again. The doctor(s) all assumed that this pain is related to my hernia #2, but I am beginning to think it may not be. Otherwise that epidural would have worked a whole lot better. And it is also quite perculiar that i can sit for hours without pain. That is pretty unusual for a herniated disc in your back. So mostly, i am fine. As long as i sit and lay down i am doing fairly well. The problem is when i start moving. My lower back hurts, my tail bone hurts, my hips hurt, the tops of my legs hurt and then, most strangly enough, it feels like someone put his fist in my lower belly and is squeezing my intestines. Standing is the biggest problem. There has been some improvement from two months ago, when i couldn't stand up long enough to brush my teeth, but standing is still really painfull. And sometimes in life, you have to stand. I was at the bus station a few days ago and it was rather busy. I had to wait for about ten minutes for the bus. I would much rather have sat down, but there were a bunch of 70 or 80 year old ladies sitting on the only available benches. What am i going to do? Kick the 80 year old ladies off the bench with the argument i am about to crumble with pain?
So anyway, i have been thinking about pain a lot. And i need to say that not all pains are created equal. It is amazing for instance, how much a superficial scrape on your knee can hurt.
It is also amazing to me that often I have thought in the past: "this is the worst pain i have ever been in." Only to find that there is a worse pain still.
Somehow or an other mt brain has subconsciously created the top three of "worst pains ever experienced by me". It may be surprising, but my current pains do not make the top three. I guess it is because in the top three i have placed pains that were completely unpredictable and would not go away. The current back pain goes away mostly as soon as i can sit down or lay down.
My top three
#3: Child birth. I gave birth to two children without pain medication and it was indeed a painfull experience. Totally worth the pain though. And in the end, as excruciating as it was, my deliveries were pretty fast.
#2: gall blatter attacks (related to gall stones). It is amazing that a organ so small, with gall stones so small can create such intense pain. I literally thought i was going to die. I thought i had a heart attack or something. My entire ribcage contracted, i felt i couldn't breath i became nauseous... And the thing is this pain would come on from one second into the next, completely unexpected. I remember getting into a pool (it was summer) feeling totally fine and suddenly a pain attack hit me and two minutes later i was retching by the side of the pool.
And at #1 without contest was my second hernia. This goes to show that not all hernias are created equal either. The first hernia was also extremely painful, but nothing like the second one. In this case i didn't think i was dying, because i knew a hernia was by no means deadly, but i did think i was going to pass out from the pain, or go into shock or something. This was a classic hernia in the sense that i had actually very little pain in my back, but the hernia was pressing on the nerves going into my left leg all the way into my toes. I literally felt like someone was hitting my toes with a hammer, that someone was cutting into my calf with a dull blade and then twisting it around... But of course those were not real. There was nothing wrong with my toes or my calf or my hip. It just felt like that. If "normally" someone would be hit with a hammer on their toes, you'd expect them to scream. But no one was hitting me, so i didn't feel justified screaming, but i sure felt like it.
It is still my very top pain ever experienced. Once again on believable that something so small (actually for a hernia it was pretty large) can cause that amount of pain.
In any case, the current pains need to be dealt with. I have another appointment in the hospital, but not till the end of September. Meanwhile i am trying a herbal remedy recommended by someone in my church. Garlic :-) Squeeze a clove of garlic into a glass of milk twice a day and drink. She and another lady, both with hernias, had great benefit from it. In any case, i apoligize for smelling profusely like garlic.
Also, despite my many experiences with pain, i know there are still a lot worse possibilities. I recently read one of those lovely books about medieval times with some very vivid descriptions about someone being drawn and quartered (and not actually dying right away) I felt like puking. Same for this alive disembowelment which was in fashion back then (...retch...). So i know, there are still worse pains and i do not wish to experience them.
